


Let's Get Away On A Roman Holiday

by victorylap



Category: One Direction (Band), Shawn Mendes (Musician)
Genre: Anxiety, First Time, Hurt/Comfort, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Panic Attacks, Vacation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-18
Updated: 2018-11-18
Packaged: 2019-08-25 13:18:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,250
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16661753
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/victorylap/pseuds/victorylap
Summary: Shawn and Niall escape to Australia for some platonic downtime. It doesn't stay that way for long.





	Let's Get Away On A Roman Holiday

**Author's Note:**

> This was a spur of the moment decision to start writing after seeing Niall and Shawn hanging out on each other's instagrams. It hasn't been edited and started out as a blurb so don't judge me if it doesn't flow. I'm thinking of adding more to flesh it out later so let me know what you think!

It was a windy night in Toronto. The snow was blowing around like crazy creating a blizzard outside. Shawn was staring out the window of the train with his hoodie pulled up hoping no one would spot him. It was currently 1 am and he had left his apartment because he was going crazy with anxiety. 

 

Tonight had not been a good one so far. He felt like the panic attacks were just coming in waves. One minute he could cope and the next he was laying on the hardwood just hoping to get some cool relief. 

 

As he sits on the train his hands are sweaty and he can feel another one coming on. No one’s awake for him to talk to in Toronto—not his parents, sister, or any of his friends. Who can talk at 1 am on a Tuesday? He feels so underly alone and just wishes that he could get a break from the panic. 

 

Then it comes to him. Niall had just texted him early that morning telling him how excited he was to be to be staying in Ireland for a couple days. He checks his phone and it comes up with a clock showing Dublin: 8 am. He’s not sure what Niall’s plans were last night, but he’s just hoping it didn’t involve drinking until 4 am. He’ll chance it at this point, though, he doesn’t care anymore. The dial tone rings for just too long to make the panic come back in Shawn’s stomach. But before he can lose it again he hears a voice on the other line.

 

“Shawn, mate, what’s going on?”

 

Shawn almost sobs into the phone, so relieved to be talking to someone else instead of living in his head for another minute. He hopes his voice comes out clear when he says, 

 

“Hey Niall. How’s Ireland treating you?”

 

“No offense Mendes, but did you really call me at—what time is it there-like midnight to ask me how my trip to Ireland is going?”

 

Shawn laughs because it is ridiculous isn’t it? He could be texting Niall and wait for a response tomorrow morning. But here he is trying to hold off another panic attack asking Niall how his trip home is going. When did his life become so much about holding off anxiety instead of living like a normal 20 year old. 

 

“Yeah—sorry, I know it’s late there, or I guess early. Sorry just wanted to talk.”

 

Niall’s voice gets softer over the line and Shawn can tell he’s switched from joking around to being slightly concerned. “No mate it’s fine. I told you that you could call me whenever you wanted.” 

 

He chuckles then says, “Not like I’m doing much anyway, am I? Just laying in bed waiting for my mum to make pancakes downstairs.”

 

Shawn smiles silently on the other end. It’s nice to think of Niall curled up in his childhood bedroom in the middle of winter in Ireland. It makes Niall seem so much more approachable instead of a millionaire pop star that’s been famous since he was 17. Shawn wonders if people think that about him too. 

 

“Yeah, thanks. Nothing serious, just you know nobody’s awake here. S’late and all.”

 

“Hey Shawn, can I let you in on a little secret? From someone who’s been anxious for what seems like the last 7 years.”

 

Shawn huffs a breath from where he’s exiting the train onto the platform closest to his apartment but doesn’t say anything. 

 

“I get it. You were feeling anxious tonight and you needed someone who isn’t going to hound you about it. Also it seems like I’m the only one awake. So tell me what’s going on?” 

 

Niall chuckles again. It’s nice to hear his laugh so clear on the other line. It makes Shawn feel like he’s actually there instead of thousands of miles away. 

 

“Mmm you got me Horan. Been feeling like shit all night. I know you always say I can talk to you, but easier said than done right?”

 

Shawn’s been having a horrendous night, but somehow he’s always able to joke around with Niall. Call him crazy, but he thinks they flirt every time they speak to each other. He’d never admit it, but it makes him feel special. Niall can’t possibly do this with everybody. 

 

“I learned it out the hard way that it’s always easier to talk. You’ll get there. You’re just a baby now aren’t you?”

 

“Shut up, got more chest hair then you could ever dream of.”

 

“Oi I was trying to be a supportive friend and now here I am being picked on. I could go back to sleep right now.”

 

Shawn’s stomach goes into a knot again just at the sound of that. How pathetic. He doesn’t say anything. 

 

“I’m not going to do that, though, obviously. I’m not that mean. So what’s the prognosis? Worried about a performance? Girl issues? Global teen superstar angst?”

 

Shawn doesn’t know how to start. He doesn’t even truly know what the problem is. Maybe it’s a mix of it all. Minus the girl part, because even Niall doesn’t know that part. 

 

“Um not sure. Just like everything got to be a lot tonight. Wish I could get away. But you know I’m on this festival run and…” 

 

Shawn stops to pause. He doesn’t even know what would help right now. He imagines being on a beach right now. Somewhere with no paparazzi, no screaming girls, nobody telling him where to be in 5 mins. And he pictures Niall sitting next to him, Niall swimming in the ocean with him, Niall doing—things that he can’t think about Niall doing with him. It’s not the only thing that's bothering him, but it sure as shit’s one of them. 

 

Niall let’s out an inquisitive noise and Shawn realizes he never finished his sentence.

 

“Sorry, just wishing I could get away. Go someplace where I don’t have to deal with anything—or anyone.”

 

“Well I mean if you’re serious—and I don’t know how serious you are because you’re in the middle of an anxiety spell, but I’m planning on going to Australia soon. I was going to go see my cousins and some friends, but we could also just lay low and hide from the world.”

 

He laughs again like it’s such a funny proposition, but it’s all Shawn’s wanted for the last three months. He can’t remember not wanting that. 

 

“When’s your next break?”, Niall pipes up again. 

 

“Uhh well now. I’m off until next Friday. Like not this Friday, but the next one. Then I’m not off for two months.”

 

“I’m mean I’m serious. I’m up for it.”

 

Shawn’s sweating again. He can’t tell if it’s an excited sweat or an anxious sweat. Because honestly, it all feels the same now. He’s been a bundle of nerves for the last week and god he could literally taste how sweet a vacation would be right now. So he thinks what the hell. I’ve got nothing to lose. 

 

“Yeah, god, let’s do it. Like I think this is the definition of an irrational idea, but I need it. Let’s go.”

 

Niall laughs into the phone. Loud and bright and Shawn thinks this is the craziest idea he’s had so far. He wrote Lost in Japan about flying a couple hundred miles to Japan to see a girl. But he never actually did that. It just sounded good in the studio and made for a good song. Now he’s really going to do it. He’s going to fly a couple thousand miles to be with Niall Horan. On a secluded beach somewhere on the coast of Australia. 

 

“Sweet. I could use some time in the sun anyways. My flight out of Ireland is on Thursday morning. You want to meet me in Australia?” Niall pauses then says, “Yeah I know that sounds crazy to my own ears too. We really are posh pop stars aren’t we?”

 

Shawn laughs back echoing Niall. And he books a flight. Lays down in bed and hopes to stop the rapid beating in his chest that he’s about to go on a vacation, in his own fantasy, a date, whatever, with Niall. 

 

**Two days later-**

 

Shawn lands in Sydney at 2:00 pm Australia time. Niall’s already texted him the address of where to meet him. He booked a villa in a town Shawn can’t remember the name of. It sounds isolated and warm and that’s all Shawn cares about. 

 

He spots Niall when he gets out of the cab. Niall’s already coming in for a hug and there’s no use in trying to stop it now Shawn thinks. It feels good to get some human contact after being a hermit for the last couple of days. 

 

They get unpacked at the house and Shawn finally has some time to breathe. He tells Niall he’s going to go lay out on the beach chairs out front on their pretty much private beach. Niall tags along and they sit out there quiet for what seems to be at least a half an hour. Niall’s the first one to pipe up and Shawn can’t say he’s too surprised. 

 

“So your existential crisis over—-or whatever was happening the other night?” 

 

Shawn knows Niall understands the anxiety. He’s talked to him about it a few times. He also knows that Niall likes to make a joke of everything. And he gets that. That’s so much easier most of the time. 

 

“You wouldn’t even believe the half of it if I told you.”

 

Shawn laughs, but it couldn’t be closer to the truth. He gets it. Teenage—or close to it anyway—pop star having a sexuality crisis is probably as cliche as he could get. It doesn’t stop how hard it is though. Doesn’t stop him wanting to stand in a room and scream for an hour about how hard it is to constantly pretend to be something that he’s not. 

 

In 2018 when there are so many advocates out there, so many celebrities, fighting for LGBTQ+ rights and he’s over here hiding because he can’t face it. And he knows it would ruin his “imagine” or whatever. He’s never even spoken to it in hypothetical terms with his team because he just knows it’s a taboo thing. He doesn’t need to talk to anyone to get the picture. You can’t be a heartthrob for teenage girls if you’re gay. That’s like the number one rule in the pop star rulebook. You just hide it until you’re successful enough that people don’t care. Shawn doesn’t think two and a half albums constitutes as successful enough. And he wishes he could be one of those people that just keeps his quiet life under wraps and experiments where he can. But he isn’t one of those people. For one he’s so goddamn anxious all the time about getting caught that he doesn’t think he ever could. And two he’s afraid that if he starts he’ll never want to go back in the closet. So he just hides and does nothing and pretends it doesn’t eat him up inside. 

 

He doesn’t know if Niall can relate. Shawn’s never discussed Niall’s sexuality at all. He’s seen him drunkenly kiss a guy at a party, but it was all sloppy and giggles, nothing ever serious. He knows Niall’s been with girls—definitely more than a couple. So if he had to guess he’d put his money on straight. But it still keeps him guessing. Maybe Niall went through the same thing—maybe he’s still going through it. 

 

**~~~**

 

They keep it casual for the next few days. Ordering in, lounging on the beach, watching rugby on the television (and golf which Shawn complains about constantly). Shawn’s grateful for the distraction.

 

There’s a small town a couple miles down their secluded road that they venture out to a couple of times. They have a small farmer’s market with fresh produce every morning. There are a few shops that they browse around in, but Shawn’s cautious to try anything more for fear that his anxiety will flare up again. Niall seems to understand and if he’s unhappy with staying at the house for most of the time that they’re in Australia he doesn’t say anything about it. 

 

**~~~**

 

On Wednesday afternoon, just two days before Shawn's due to leave Australia, Niall joins him back on the chaise loungers on the beach. Shawn’s pretty sure it is a private beach at this point because he’s never seen anyone on it. There aren’t any other houses this far up. There are a couple behind theirs but it looks like they all have their own private beach as well. 

 

Niall stands up from his chair and asks Shawn to rub sunscreen on his back and neck. As he goes to sit down he positions himself directly in between Shawn’s legs. Shawn freezes for a couple seconds and then pulls himself together. He’s sure Niall doesn’t mean anything by it just trying to give Shawn easier access. But then when he finishes Niall stays there. Doesn’t say anything, doesn’t move, and Shawn’s beginning to wonder if he’s supposed to be picking up on something. 

 

After awhile Niall turns around slowly so that his face is hovering over the middle of Shawn’s chest. He moves his head up to look at Shawn and then scoots up further until he’s right by Shawn’s face. He smiles softly and then leans in. 

 

Shawn doesn’t know what to do. He can’t tell if he’s dreaming or if he’s really here now. There were no signs. Right? No signs. He panics and shuts his eyes and then he feels Niall’s lips gently on his. 

 

He kisses back because it’s not like he doesn’t want this. He’s just shocked. Maybe that it’s taken this long. Maybe that Niall’s the one who initiates. But he can’t be anything other than happy because this is the most right thing that Shawn’s felt in a really long time. 

 

Niall pulls back as Shawn’s mind is still going haywire. He looks back at Shawn’s face. 

 

“I didn’t want to assume anything. But I thought maybe this is where this vacation was going. One can hope, right?”

 

He smiles again and Shawn can never get enough of him. Niall is honestly one the most magnetic people. His energy, warmth, optimism is radiating and he’s not sure how everyone doesn’t fall in love with him.

 

“ I-I mean it’s not something I planned. But I’ve been hoping for a while...I guess. I never thought this would actually happen. You know? I didn’t know you were…”

 

Shawn trails off when he realizes he doesn’t really know anything. Is Shawn his first non-drunk kiss with a guy? Or is he the 20th?

 

“Not like officially anything. Been with a couple guys—like two. Other than that just girls.”

 

“Oh, I mean that’s cool. Same with me. I mean minus the guys. I’ve never been with any guys.”

 

Shawn clears his throat because he’s so out of his element. He feels like a fumbling virgin and he hates feeling this vulnerable in front of anyone. Niall laughs again like he doesn’t care one bit. 

 

“You want to try out some more?…or we could not too? I mean no pressure. We can go start dinner. I was thinking of cooking…”

 

Shawn cuts him off with a chaste kiss. “No, no I would like to do more. Like if I get to pick.”

 

Niall smiles and starts kissing Shawn again. They lazily kiss on the chaise lounge for a few more minutes until Niall starts to deepen it. He’s still hovering over Shawn, twisted in a weird position because of their height difference. Niall straightens out so he’s straddling Shawn and starts to grind against him. 

Shawn doesn’t realize he’s started to get hard for a couple minutes and when he does, he lets out a quiet moan. 

 

“Mmm yeah feels so good Shawn. You’re so good.” 

 

Niall encourages him and he feels like he must be doing something right because he can feel that Niall is hard against him too. He reaches down for the button on Niall's shorts and realizes that they’re really going for it. And surprisingly he’s not nervous anymore. He wants this, he’s wanted this for so long. It feels so natural with Niall. 

 

Niall takes the hint and helps him push down his shorts until they’re off of him completely. Shawn does the same and then Niall reaches for his dick. Starts stroking it up and down while twisting at the base. Shawn knows he’s young, but he feels like he’s about to come at any second. 

 

“Jesus Niall. I really think I’m going to come. Like any minute now.”

 

“S’fine. I want to see it.”

 

As he says that Shawn feels his stomach start to tense up. Niall strokes him maybe three more times and then he’s coming over both of their chests. He can’t believe they just did that. On a beach in Australia. Shawn has to chuckle to himself. 

 

“That was hot”, is all Niall says as he starts to stroke himself. Shawn comes back to it and reaches out for Niall to stop. He wants to be the one that does that for Niall, the way he did for Shawn just a second ago. 

 

“Can I suck you off? Would you like that?”

 

Niall’s face goes red when he says, “Shit Shawn. Of course I want that. You want to do that? I know you haven’t…”

 

“Yeah, I want to. I can’t promise I’ll be good or anything, but I want to try.”

 

Niall flips around so that he’s laying on his back. Shawn scoots down to the end of the lounger and takes Niall in his mouth. Just the tip because honestly he has no idea what he’s doing and he’s not about to start choking all over Niall’s dick on the first encounter. He has some pride. 

 

“Put your hand on the base. It’s easier that way the first couple times.” Niall says. 

 

Shawn follows orders and takes the tip back in his mouth and strokes the base of Niall’s dick at the same time. He tries to go a little deeper, but not much further— not wanting to embarrass himself. Niall’s making these low pitched groans and it’s turning Shawn on all over again.

 

It’s been about three or four minutes and Shawn’s starting to wonder if he’s doing this right at all when Niall says, “Shit Shawn. Your mouth feels so good. I’m going to come. I don’t know where you want me to…” He gestures down and Shawn gets the hint. 

 

“Come on my stomach I want to see it.”

 

Shawn leans down so Niall’s thrusting himself against Shawn’s stomach. It’s so hot seeing him like this Shawn doesn’t want to look away. It’s only a couple more seconds until Niall’s coming across his chest. White streaks land on him and some miss completely and hit the chair. As Niall comes down from his orgasm he starts smiling up at Shawn. 

 

Shawn returns the smile and lays down against his chest. He doesn’t know where this is going to go. If their relationship can actually ever go anywhere. He does, know, they have two more days in Australia to be together and so he holds onto that. They’ll figure out everything else later. 

 

 

 


End file.
